Oh Boy, Under the Dome is back!


All work and no play makes Stephen King go something something (photo via CBS.com)

All work and no play makes Stephen King go something something (photo via CBS.com)

Under the Dome premiered on CBS in June 2013. By August, I had given up on it.

The show had a decent pilot, was based on a story by one of my favorite authors (Stephen King), and had one of my favorite comic book writers running it (Brian K. Vaughn). Dean Norris was involved! Surely the creator of Schraderbrau wouldn’t let me down.

Oh, how I underestimated the evil power of CBS.

As the network that brings us such factory produced work as NCIS, CSI, The Millers, The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, and whatever else comes out of Chuck Lorre’s villainously bland mind, CBS has a proud tradition of sucking the creativity out of everything. Maybe it’s not CBS’ fault this show sucks, but there’s a certain look to a CBS project that just screams “yes, we have filmed something.”

It’s an insane show. It was almost fun insane, but the leaps in character and story logic, meh effects, and bad acting proved to be too much. Say, folks, do you want to watch a CBS movie of the week for 13 weeks straight? Then I have just the show for you!

I stuck with Heroes for four shitty seasons and I couldn’t stick with Under the Dome for one. Heroes! The show that recycled its own plot again and again and again. And some people can argue that plot was stolen from the X-Men in the first place.

Before the creation of this site, I briefly considered blogging about this brain draining mess on a weekly basis. Here’s a series of notes I took while watching episode 6, The Endless Thirst:

  • The one fun thing about this series at this point is seeing Dean Norris play the villain. He’s clearly having a blast.
  • It’s apparently finally time to ask what happens when they run out of supplies. You know, not in the 5 previous episodes.
  • Completely random truck accident due to lesbian Kim’s diabetes freakout takes out the town’s water supply!
  • Flammable water! Insulin shortage!
  • “Are you sure a diabetic lives here?” Wait what? Do diabetics live in certain types of homes, live certain types of lifestyles?
  • Shit has gone from zero to rioting and beating diner owners to death with baseball bats.
  • “I remember Duke telling us about some riot gear that the Feds sent us after 9/11.” So specific.
  • Oh no, it’s time for Barbie to almost murder fuckers.
  • Rain falling within the Dome stopped everyone from rioting? Fuck you Chester’s Mill.
  • MICROCLIMATE
  • Thinking about calling Barbie “Blonde Wolverine”.
  • Aaaaand there’s the inevitable Barbie/older Michelle Trachtenberg hookup.

 

You don’t want to watch this show.

Brian K. Vaughn left after the first season and I can’t imagine it’s going to get much better without him. Go read Runaways and Y: The Last Man instead. Read the original Stephen King novel. If you need a Dean Norris fix, rewatch Breaking Bad. Just don’t watch Under the Dome.