New Ninja Turtles Terrifying, Lack Vanilla Ice

Put your problems on ICE (image via

The trailer for Michael Bay’s new Ninja Turtles movie is out, and it’s kind of terrifying. SUUUUURE, there’s some of that lovable Ninja Turtle humor in there. SUUUUURE they live in the sewer and battle the Shredder. These big old CGI turtles are terrifying.

Megan Fox is April O’Neil, and all the effects and tone is very much in the Michael Bay tone. That information is all you need to determine whether or not you’ll like this movie.

There appears to be some story about April’s father creating the Turtles to be heroes or something. It sounds like Bay and company really liked The Amazing Spider-Man.

I am personally disturbed by the lack of pizza and talking about pizza. I really like pizza. Plus, they’re lacking the leadership of the greatest man of all time, Vanilla Ice. Tragic, really.

Steve Jacot

I'm from Philadelphia but only throw a handful of batteries at hapless strangers a year. You probably know my sarcasm and dopiness from following me on Twitter.

I specialize in TV, movies, and the nerdy side of things on Untied, regularly posting about Game of Thrones, Mad Men, Star Wars, and the comic book movie of the moment.