Handicapping WWE’s Money in the Bank as the World Cup


Climb the ladder, kid

Climb the ladder, kid

This sunday is the WWE’s Money in the Bank event. The event will feature two ladder matches, one for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and one for a Money in the Bank briefcase, representing an open contract to challenge for the WWEWHC anytime, anyplace.

These ladder matches always deliver, and they are a lot to digest. It can be hard to keep track of everyone in the matches, and who has a legit shot of winning. There’s also a big soccer tournament continuing this weekend. I’ve taken it upon myself to kill two birds with one stone by handicapping both of these at the same time.

Ladder Match for the WWEWHC

John Cena as Brazil
Cena has got to be the prohibitive favorite to win it all. In fact, he always seems to be the pre match favorite. However, questions have come up recently as to if Cena will still be the face of the company moving forward, or if it is time to crown a new king of the ring. As much of a favorite Cena is to win this match, Seth Rollins is equally as likely to win the briefcase. A cash in on Cena wouldn’t be anywhere near as exciting for Rollins as would a cash in against Reigns…

Roman Reigns as the Netherlands
Sure, Reigns might not be the odds on favorite, but he still is one of the safer picks. He’s had a lot of success recently and has a very exciting offense. Plus, that Robbin van Persie header goal is the soccer equivalent of a spear:

Bah God, he put that ball through the net!

Bah God, he put that ball through the net!

Randy Orton as Greece
Randy Orton had a great 2004, a good 2012, and I’m a little surprised that he’s still on top. A lot of his matches are boring, but whenever he finds the motivation, he can put on quite the show. He’s really fallen out of the spotlight recently though. It seems since Batista left, the authority has been focused more on putting the screws to Reigns rather than building up Orton.

Kane as Germany
Kane is always reliable and dependable. He’s in the top of the card year after year and is always a threat to win it all.

Bray Wyatt as Uruguay

I promise, that's not a bite.

I promise, that’s not a bite.

Bray would do whatever it takes to achieve his goals. Although, he’d be more likely to plant his sister Abigail’s kiss on an opponent than bite him. Expect Bray to make a lot of noise, but not really factor into the ending of the match. Well, he might take out someone who is about to climb the ladder to glory, but he won’t sniff the gold this time.

Cesaro as Switzerland
Of course the Swiss superman has to represent his home country. I don’t like that the guy roots for both Germany and Switzerland on Twitter (pick one team!), but that’s where the things I don’t like about Cesaro end. While it is a testament to his hard work that he made it this far, I don’t think he’s quite ready yet to grab the championship. Maybe he doesn’t have the experience. Maybe he just has to sack his manager…

Alberto Del Rio as Mexico
Viva Mexico! Del Rio is seemingly defying all odds by still being in the main event picture despite not really getting any heat from the fans. He’s technically sound though, but this type of match doesn’t really fit with his strengths. He’s not a high flyer like the “Mexican” luchador I’d much rather see get a breakout shot: Kalisto (Kalisto está listo).

Sheamus as Algeria
Sheamus has a fighter’s chance of winning, I suppose, but it feels like he’s in this match by default because no one has stepped up to take his spot.

Daniel Bryan as Colombia
I know my man D Bry isn’t in this match, but just like Colombia, WWE’s top athlete is on the shelf with an injury (and there are only 15 guys in these ladder matches on Sunday, so I needed someone to round this analogy out). Colombia seems to be doing fine without Falcao, though, and it pains me to say this, but Roman Reigns has done a good job of stepping up as “top baby face not named John Cena” in Bryan’s absence. I just hope Bryan gets his spot back once he returns…

Money in the Bank

Seth Rollins as Argentina

Enjoy the camera time while you can, Rollins

Enjoy the camera time while you can, Rollins

Seth is kind of small in stature, but huge in talent. However, just like Messi will forever be overshadowed by Maradona, Rollins will be overshadowed by Reigns. That said, I don’t see how Rollins doesn’t walk away with the briefcase tonight, no matter who wins the gold later in the night. The great thing about that is that whether Rollins ends up chasing Reigns, Orton or even Cena, it has the shot to be a great story.

Dean Ambrose as Belgium
This is the hip(ster) pick slowly turning into a mainstream favorite. Ambrose is going to put on the show and leave a great impression on the fans, however, he’s also destined to leave empty handed. There are just too many other competitors peaking at the right time. He did, however, cut an amazing promo inserting himself into the match:

Dolph Ziggler as Chile
He’s exciting to watch and has great fans. In fact, just like the perception that HHH is holding Ziggler back because of his Internet fandom, FIFA is actually fining Chile because of how enthusiastically they want to see their team play. Ziggler has done some of his best work while holding the briefcase. I just don’t think this is his year though.

Kofi Kingston as Costa Rica
There can’t a big mid card brawl without Kofi Kingston. His offense is as exciting as that of the Ticos, but I’m afraid exciting offense just isn’t enough to win anymore.

Rob Van Dam as USA
RVD is the sentimental pick for guys who like skipping work to drink beer (or use other mind altering substances) and watch a match with their buds. People who watch wrestling once in a blue moon think he’s still great, but the sport has really passed him by, and he’s only there to make other guys look good.

Jack Swagger as Nigeria
Just like Sheamus in the match for the strap, Swagger is in the match for the briefcase really as filler. Although, he has surprisingly won matches like this in the past. He’d just better skip the Rob van Dam esque celebration this time if he does somehow come away with the win…

Bad News Barrett as France
Barrett came out of almost nowhere with guns blazing. He’s been on fire since returning from injury, but unfortunately, he might be taken out of this match with another injury. His glory days are a close memory, and he’ll certainly be in the title picture again one day in the future, but today is just not his day. So if you thought #BNB was winning on Sunday, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.

Around the World

New Japan Pro Wrestling has announced the competitors in their annual G1 Climax round robin tournament. I could go on about the history of this event and what it could mean for the winner, but to be honest, that’s not important right now. Hiroyoshi Tanahashi and Katsuyori Shibata are in the same block. Nothing else matters except that we’re guaranteed to see Tanahashi take on Shibata. These are two of the best wrestlers in Japan, and there is legit bad blood between them. That is going to be a match worth staying up for, when it happen later this summer.

Match of the month

Kota Ibushi vs Ricochet for the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Championship
Ricochet has been making waves in Japan. Recently, he became the first foreigner to win Dragon Gate’s top title, the Open the Dream Gate championship. He also become one of the few foreigners to win NJPW’s Best of the Super Juniors tournament, earning himself a shot at Kota Ibushi’s Jr. Heavyweight Championship.

It’s a shame since there are rumors that the WWE isn’t interested in Ricochet because they have more high flyer types than they know what to do with. Well, WWE’s loss is the fans of Japan’s gain.

Alright, everyone, time for me to load the spaceship with the rocket fuel and head back to parts unknown.