• Whatever You Do DON’T READ This

    Whatever You Do DON’T READ This

      You’ve undoubtedly by now been told by every single person you’ve ever known on FaceBook that you should “NEVER DRINK THE MCDONALDS SHAMROCK SHAKE” because it’s so bad for you. It’s so bad that when you drink it, you immediately catch CANCER, and not just any kind of CANCER but the kind of CANCER that everyone else

  • Life Hacks: Red Carpet Edition

    Life Hacks: Red Carpet Edition

      Ah, nothing like Oscar night, to remind us that the only movie we got around to seeing was most likely a crappy, comedy sequel with about a handful of laughs in it. *Cough -Dumb and Dumber To- *cough! I really need to see a doctor about this cough. Fun Academy Awards Fact: Oscar was

  • A Call For Strength And Return To Action

    A Call For Strength And Return To Action

    About a week ago, while deadlifting, I saw something that confused the Hell out of me. It’s not something new, but something that has always confused and bothered me. This particular day, it drove me crazy. What I saw involves one of the infamous “gym myths” (much more on that next week…). The “gym myth” that I saw

  • Life Hacks: Fat Tuesday

    Life Hacks: Fat Tuesday

    I like when we, as a society, choose to ignore the special nuances of the holidays and instead decide to just focus on the simplistic selfish nature of said holiday. For instance, “Fat Tuesday has been boiled down to eating donuts and getting wasted. A time honored catholic based European tradition repurposed for American sensibilities.

  • A Glimpse Into Anxiety

    A Glimpse Into Anxiety

    For years, I worked as a waiter and I was pretty good at it. I could engage with a large group of total strangers, make them feel comfortable and at home over meaningless conversations while rarely forgetting a single detail of their orders. The same was true when I worked as a music writer. I

  • Life Hacks: Sweetheart Edition

    Life Hacks: Sweetheart Edition

    Love is in the air, everyone! Can you smell it? Oh… Sorry. What you are currently smelling may just be my “love” of fried cheese. Ladies, there’s no better Valentines Gift than to buy him a sports jersey of his favorite team and present it to him wearing it…and nothing else. And if he doesn’t

  • Life Hacks: Super Bowl Hack-Time Show

    Life Hacks: Super Bowl Hack-Time Show

    Unless you are a drywall installer in the greater Seattle area, you probably aren’t busy right now. This will keep you occupied for a few minutes. I think it’s safe to say at this point that you don’t need to do anything special to be a Spice Girl’s lover. You know you are drinking too

  • The 10 Worst Condoms

    The 10 Worst Condoms

    What is it that you look for in a condom? Ribbed textures? Spermicide? Color? Flavor? The factors that actually determine what separates the best condoms from the worst may just surprise you! 10. A wallet It is easy to confuse a condom and a wallet as the two items have been made from similar materials

  • Nationwide is Sorry

    Nationwide is Sorry

    We received the following statement from Nationwide spokesman Chip Fakemanenstein in response to questions about their unusual Super Bowl ad. We here at Nationwide understand that some people were upset about our Super Bowl commercial, warning of the dangers of child death. This is unfortunate. We are sorry that people don’t get it. We are sorry

  • Life Hacks: 2 Inches of Disappointment

    Life Hacks: 2 Inches of Disappointment

    I’m certain there’s a good number of readers, that know what it’s like to be promised 8+ inches only to get a few. So cheer up East Coast and heed the following advice carefully. – A fun prank to play on a department store associate is to come out of a changing room and tell